I didn’t think it possible to get so nervous and excited for another big change mere weeks after the big move from Austin . . . but it is apparently. I bought my ticket today to Chicago. June 25th. I don’t really have the words so I’ll let Whitesnake talk for me. Whitesnake?:

I promise to tell you more of my adventures soon. I will have you know that I drank a Lonestar last night in Park Slope. Unbelievable. Also the restaurant had real cow hides on the booths. THAT FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT!!! I seriously squealed like a little girl . . . and spent the rest of my dinner at a severe incline to avoid touching it. Seriously. Meat on the seats? Necessary?!!!!

I mean I’ve only been a vegetarian for about three years (since my childhood) and I’m not one of those holier than thou vegetarians . . . but MEAT ON THE SEATS?!!! That is fucking gross. Blllllearrrghh.

These nominations are just perfection:

BEST ENSEMBLE (no doubt!)

LEAD ACTRESS : Lee Eddy (duh)

DIRECTION: Jenny Larson (also for Voices Underwater, also no duh)

Also holding down the sound design nomination for Rainbow Family is Jason Newman. If anyone deserves an award for that show . . . it is without a doubt Newmsie. YAY. I am so excited for everyone!!!

Even I am impressed with how well I am transitioning considering all the variable factors of leaving behind so many loved ones, extreme anxiety in regards to my financial situation, et al.

You’ll love to hear that my plane had a “hard and fast landing” because some flap wasn’t flapping. Yeah. For a few minutes there I thought I might actually die. When a pilot says, “Uh . . . I’ve done this . . . before . . .” I start imagining my funeral . . . and I’m not so much worried about losing my life so much as I’m like, “Shit. This would devastate my family and friends . . . all this anticipation for this big trip and then I die before I even get started?” Luckily, the universe didn’t have that planned - - we landed safely, applause all around for the pilot and just as soon as I turned my phone on I had three different text messages from friends checking in to make sure I made it in okay.

Ah friends. What would I do without you? Sigh. Swoon. You welcome me with ice cold Coronas, America’s Next Top Model, a free couch for a month, a night of birthday drinking WITH CAKE AND CHEESE, a part-time job with the most adorable children in all of New York (I’m reconsidering my whole “I’ll never raise children in NY” rant . . . these kids are amazing! So smart and they are exposed to so many different cultures and languages . . . hmmm. Put that one on the biological clock back burner) . . . the list continues on forever.

So no worries about me - - I know that is perhaps the scariest thing about having a friend move away - - you worry they’ll be upset or going through a tough time and you’ll be too far away to do anything more than a few phone calls or emails . . .

Please know I’m doing fine, I’m taken care of and having a great time so far. Don’t believe me? Check my Susan Miller forecast for May:

The past few months have been strenuous, but May will be all you want it to be, even exceeding your greatest expectations. It will be chockfull of fabulous opportunities on so many levels that you may be amazed at how things can so dramatically turn to your favor. A “grand trine” - considered the most harmonious, happiest aspect possible - will be shaping up in the heavens, and as a Virgo you will be front and center, perfectly positioned to enjoy all of them.

This golden triangle that will appear in the heavens near May 5 will link the energies of Pluto (transformations), Venus (love, happiness, and fun), and Saturn (stability and longevity). All these planets are in earth signs. The houses that bring you your greatest luck are the ones these planets are visiting. The three planets will form a bond between your fifth house (creativity, love, and children), your ninth house (foreign people / places, study, publishing, and broadcasting), and your first house (ruling the power of your determination and unique personality). All these areas will work together to create a magnificent month of opportunity for you.

The fact that the first house is included in this grand trine signifies that you should feel free to be “you” inside and out. As they say, let you be you. The most unique parts of you will be deeply appreciated now in a very genuine way, and your fresh perspective will be lauded.

If you are in a creative profession (and that would include writing) you should voice your ideas, for they will be heard - they may now bring you through a new door, one that you find infinitely right for you. There will be a sense of freedom and liberation, too, for others are finally “getting” what you are and what you want, and they will want to help you succeed. If you’ve wondered when to launch a major project, it’s now!

What makes this month even MORE special is that the new moon and Sun will appear in a fellow earth sign, as well - Taurus - and send exceptional vibrations to Jupiter, giver of gifts and luck, also in a fellow earth sign, Capricorn. Jupiter is in the same house as Pluto (although too far from Pluto to be called a conjunction). That house is the house of love, pregnancy, and the care of children. This same house rules creativity as well, and this month you should have no shortage of breakthrough ideas!

The fact that Saturn goes direct this month after having been retrograde since last December is another sign of good things to come. Saturn governs your house of true love and creative expressions, and will switch on full power on May 2. Saturn is not due to retrograde again until December 31, so to say your romantic outlook is good is an understatement!

All the goodness of the month will begin at the new moon, May 5. That’s your key date to watch, for news and opportunity should come up starting then. This will be a very refreshing influence, one that will open up for you, and bring you in contact with distinguished big thinking people such as professors, learned instructors, ambassadors, diplomats, and those who work on humanitarian projects on a global scale. You may also be introduced to successful people from foreign lands or come into contact with journalists, producers, and other people who deal in ideas and concepts.

If you have thought about going to summer school (or if you live “down under” going to school over June, July, and/or August) the answer is probably yes! This new moon is encouraging you to grow and expand your vision of the world around you, as well as to delve more deeply into subjects that interest you. If you are considering the idea of studying or working abroad, you may be very much involved with getting all the paperwork done so that you can go now or later.

Romantically, male or female, you will be one hot tamale in May. If you are single and hoping to meet a new person to love, the fifth house, due to receive brilliant vibrations from Venus and Pluto at the new moon, will give you several weeks of exceptional opportunity (until May 24, when Venus exits Taurus) to meet that special person. You must be out and about to allow the cosmos to deliver your goodies. Venus is known to set off sparks of new love and will move through Taurus this month, a sign that is divinely compatible with yours. You will almost literally magnetize this new person to you and you won’t have to try all that hard either. You may meet at a party, on a trip, at a university or other seminar / training setting, or simply during your daily rounds.

June will be an important career month, so you won’t likely be able to go away then. August brings eclipses in Leo and Aquarius, and possibly action in your daily work environment. That means if you want to take a vacation, May and July would be best. See if you can make arrangements quickly now, even if you can only stay away a few days. You and your partner deserve romantic time together, and it’s been very hard to find quality time to do so. Now that you have a rare window of opportunity, enjoy it to the fullest!

If you were born on September 7 or within a few days of this date, you should find this month almost miraculously beneficial for you. That’s because the new moon and Sun will be perfectly angled to the Sun, new moon, AND to Jupiter.

Your very best romantic evenings this month, no matter when your birthday happens to fall, will be: May 5-6, 8-9, 12-13, 17-18, 23, and 31.

By the third weekend, May 17-18, another shorter trip could be on your agenda, and if so, it looks like you will decide to go quite spontaneously. Jupiter will be beautifully angled to that full moon, so you should find your accommodations luxurious. This will be the time of the month of the full moon, and it will reach apex on Monday, May 19. You may want to take that day off too, and extend your weekend into three days - a good idea. Even if you go to a place nearby, your time away will prove to be very refreshing.

The same part of the month - near May 19 - you may sign a contract or other important paper. It’s a good time to do so. Hurry, however, as you don’t wait to dally. Mercury, your ruler, will be retrograde from May 26 to June 19. You won’t want to sign anything then, nor should you. You won’t have all the facts as conditions are in flux, and no one could possibly tell you precisely how things will work out.

I should add that Mercury retrograde is not a good time to make any big purchases. If you have had your eye on a new camera or flat screen TV, get it in early May - don’t delay. If you are buying a gift for a friend or relative, the same holds true. You never want to spend a lot of money when Mercury is retrograde, and never, ever on an electronic item. It would turn out to be the wrong choice or worse, a lemon, and you certainly don’t want that!

Mars is due to duck into Leo on May 9 through June 30, and during that time it looks like you’ll decide to work more in solitude than you have in the past. If you have to finish a thesis, term paper, or proposal, or finish writing or editing a book, you have the perfect time to settle down and do so. It’ll also be an ideal time to study for a major exam (like the bar). You will make a lot of progress.

This same position of Mars may put you in touch with medical personal, whether for yourself (because you are going into the hospital to have a procedure done) or because you have a close friend or relative who needs one. In the latter case, your smiling face will be appreciated each time you come to visit.

Career-wise your work is leading you into a high profile position, something you’ll see for sure early in June. If you need to ask your boss or client for a favor or higher fees, don’t do so on or near May 22. Saturn will be in hard angle to the Sun then - not a day to speak up because you are less likely to walk away with the answer you want. It’s also possible that more work will come your way this day.

The last day I would like to leave you with is May 21, when a partner, middleman, headhunter, agent, representative, or other person will be outstandingly helpful to you and prove to be a true gem. Someone really cares about you, and on this day it shows! You may find this to be a great time for romance and for serious personal talks with your partner about your future, or for a creative collaboration. You may even get lucky with a home-related matter, such as to find a new apartment or house. It’s a four-star day, thanks to the rare interplay of Jupiter and Uranus.

These two planets last met on March 28, so look back to that day for clues of what might happen for you now. Perhaps the same theme will come up. Jupiter and Uranus are set to have another conversation on your behalf later in the year, on November 13. After that, these two will say their goodbyes and not meet again until 2010.

It’s all so very good for you, dear Virgo. This is your month!

Summary

Virgo is known to be the hard worker of the zodiac, but fresh breezes are blowing through your life in May. You are being urged to put the “Gone Fishing” sign on your office door and head out of town.

There’s a big world out there, and you’re about to discover more of it. If you don’t travel - even though it looks like you WILL - you’ll find other ways to feed your curiosity and sense of adventure. Seminars, lectures, and calls to people based abroad will keep you busy. You may be investigating publishing or broadcasting projects, too. All in all, there are many ways to keep your BlackBerry buzzing.

Everything begins the moment the new moon in fellow earth sign Taurus appears, May 5. What you see sparked in the days that follow will remain in your life days or weeks, possibly months, ahead. Of all of 2008, May rises to the top as sure to be one of your favorites and most fortunate. Almost everything you aim for this month will be within your grasp.

Until recently, most planets have been in air and fire signs, but the wheel has tipped to favor earth and water - and this will benefit you instantly. You won’t have to struggle as much to get what you want and may even feel a little bewildered this month when things fit so neatly and quickly into place. It may all seem like you fell into a parallel universe, where every day is sunny and rainbows appear after every shower. It is real, and honestly, it’s about time!

On May 9, Mars will leave your sector of friendships and community where it’s been for months and move on to a more private, contemplative area of your chart. From then on, you’ll want to scale down your social life as you ready yourself for the next big chapter to begin at the start of July. In the coming eight weeks, you’ll need to take time to strategize your next move. Friends may not see much of you in May and June, but the time you spend meditating about where to drive your life next will be well worth the time you take to drop out.

Also during that time, you may enter into an intense period of work on a research paper or book, or you may want to study for a big, important exam. This placement of Mars brings enormous benefits from working in solitude. Another concurrent theme that will emerge in early May is the blossoming of your creativity, through any mode, whether it be painting, illustration, dance, poetry, creative writing, music, sculpture, or other means.

Don’t put your suitcase away if you travel far and wide in the early part of the month. There appears to be a second chance to go near the full moon, May 19 (perhaps on the weekend just prior). This time you’d travel to a place much closer to home. If you need a neighbor to keep an eye on your apartment or to water your plants, ask - it’s evident that someone who lives near you would be very willing to do so.

Throughout the month, it appears that you will be mulling over a number of career options. Next month, June, will either crystallize the ones you have or bring in one or two better opportunities. To take full advantage, you’ll need to start laying the framework now. Get word out, and prepare your resume.

As if this month weren’t bursting with enough options and choices, a creative project seems to have captured your full imagination, too. You may need a collaborator in this venture, and if so, you’ll have magical help all month, but never more than on or near May 19-21 when Uranus and Jupiter will help you in near miraculous ways. Work you do with a partner will produce brilliant results.

Romance, to you, is serious these days. With Saturn, the planet of maturity and wisdom, now in Virgo, it’s obvious that when it comes to love, you don’t want to waste time. If you are dating, you want to see something come of the relationship or move on. If you are married, you will want to set new goals together, whether those involve saving for a house or planning for a child, as two examples. We teach others how to treat us, so in that sense, you’ll be pleased with developments.

Your best time to meet someone new will be from May 5 to May 18, but the strongest and brightest days will fall at the start of this phase.

I keep thinking each blog post is the last for awhile. But then awesome things keep happening that I want to tell you about

* Kazoo. Finally. Kazoo. We shot this in a day all because my wifey Sara was going to be in town, my roommate was learning to play the drums and I had BIG ROCK N ROLL HAIR (rip). This film birthed the band Slutfire, so even though it was my first-ever try at making something on my own . . . you gotta love it for giving the world SLUTFIRE!

* The Mary Trilogy opens May 15th!

It’s a sort of Sarah Lawrence extravaganza all up in this piece(s). Julianne Just who directed the very first full-length play I ever wrote (Jesus Loves Good Christians) is back behind the notebook and click-light pen to direct The Mary Trilogy, a collection of three short plays based on urban legend, Appalachian folk tale, Will Oldham’s music and Greek myth. Liz Fraatz (who played Ms. Harrison in Jesus Loves) will play Mary in Like Meat Love Salt (first time ever that a female actress has played that transgender role!) and Nehemiah Luckett (who also designed sound for Jesus Loves) will be designing sound! Phew.

You should come see this one. I don’t always recommend that you see each and every production I work on but this production marks the first time I wrote music for my own work (I believe my lyrics are still in tact although we do have a composer building songs in between plays and possibly rewriting the music here and there) aaaaannnd it’s the first time I really experimented with different forms of storytelling.

La Madia Cycle was a return to a sort of heightened poetic text that I’d pretty much abandoned since high school’s performance poetry days. It was a good exercise for me to return to that place because some of the themes of that play relate in a big way to feelings stirred up about why I stopped writing poetry.

For Like Meat Love Salt, the game was telling as much story with as little words as possible. It is also my very first play composed as a sort of “fan mail” for Will Oldham. You think I’m joking about this. But I’m not.

Finally, Heart of the Dark Deep is brand-spanking new. I’ve always wondered what would happen if Ariadne had to confront the Minotaur she helped kill. Also I’m playing again with loosening the reins on a sort of straightforward linear narrative.

For the gal who fancies herself a comedic writer, this is about as opposite end of the spectrum as you can get. But I’m very proud of the work, I’m excited to see Julianne’s take on it and would love to see as many Sadie Lou pals there as possible. I’ll be the one hiding out in the back opening night. In a blue dress (yay for opening night parties - - aka excuses to buy new clothes)!

Also the show is reaalllly short - so we can all grab drinks afterwards!

* Jumping Off Bridges will be on TV in NYC!

“Storie Productions’ feature film, jumping off bridges is set to make its television debut on WNET Reel 13 in New York City on Saturday May 3rd at 10:50pm. Written and directed by award-winning filmmaker, Kat Candler (cicadas, Roberta Wells), and produced by Stacy Schoolfield and Lorie Marsh, jumping off bridges premiered at the 2006 South by Southwest Film Festival. The film stars, Bryan Chafin (The Patriot, cicadas), Michael Emerson (Saw, Lost), Rhett Wilkins (The Puffy Chair) and Glen Powell Jr (The Great Debaters).

Inspired by invincible friendships, junior high journal entries, heart breaking crushes and the complexities of losing loved ones, jumping off bridges follows a carefree, adventurous group of four best friends deep in the trenches of adolescence.”

Tune in for my funeral scene cameo alongside TV’s evilest villain. Who is not so villainous in real life. In fact we convinced Michael to don the orange polyester jumpsuit as a gag gift (jumpsuit off bridges!) for the director, producer and cinematographer). Anyone who will wear a polyester onesie and pose Martha Graham style for a bunch of giggling girls in the wardrobe department of a teesny weensy indie film can’t be THAT evil.

* Lastly. Whatever my Aunt Sandy finds funny, I do too.

* Love you lots Austin, TX. No matter what, you’ll always be my hometown.

* Sampaio’s baked brie. Does life get any better?! Baked cheese. Christ almighty.

* Saw Skinny Bitch Jesus Meeting’s sketch show and was so incredibly inspired and excited for this summer. Look for the Christine Farrell School for Wayward Comediennes . . . we’re going to ROCK IT.

* Uhm. I’m sort of losing my mind a little bit here. The only thing I OWN is a huge suitcase and ukulele. All my errands are done . . . except for some pants I need to hem . . . tomorrow is my last day in Austin until I’m home for Christmas. Mom asks me when I’m applying to graduate school and I have to say, “I don’t know.” I don’t know when I’ll be ready . . . it might be another 2-3 years. It might four years. It might be five. Hopefully it won’t be six. The more time I spend away from the rehearsal room and at the writing desk, wonder of all wonders - - the more I want to write. For myself. Not because I think I’m going to have a career in this. Not because I’m thinking about next BIG steps. Writing for me. Because I actually enjoy it. I’m taking it slow - - very little baby steps, but it’s a ray of hope for me. I thought I might have burnt myself completely out but . . . there’s still a little bit of wick left in the old candle.

* Saying goodbye. I’m not good at it. My status for the past few days has just been - SAD. Sad sad sad sad sad.

When I began my first post-collegiate year (as the 5 year reunion winks from afar in 2009, how lovely to finally feel my quote un-quote post-collegiate stage is over . . . meaning of course that bracket of time when you still refer to your alma mater on a regular basis, relate old college stories, talk to new friends about old friends you haven’t seen or heard from in years) I joked that I was starting my freshman year of the REAL WORLD. This equation served useful during many of my bouts of depressing isolation as I returned to my hometown . . . where I literally knew no one except for my family and a few acquaintances from high school.

Well slowly those acquaintances dragged me out of my hole at the Lemontree/Hyde Park holla! and made me go to parties and meet people. Slowly, very slowly I began to find part-time work (Zach Scott, the horror! Exceptions are a seldom few) which led to more part-time work (UT) which lead to a summer in the wardrobe department (Best Friends for Life POWER UP +3, sort of like how sophomore year of college you really get your shit together, make best friends, etc ) which lead to building a theater company and talent agency internship which finally lead to my soon-to-be former position Resourcing Humans for a large non-profit organization. I’m looking back at the past four years and they are chockful of amazing projects, wonderfully talented and funny friends, just too many good times, great oldies (college joke! holla!).

So now I proudly present to you: My Real World Mixes. These songs got me through the thick and thin and one of these days I’ll make a big project out of actually creating Muxtape mixes so you can actually have a listen.

SENIOR YEAR, FINALLY HERE (Summer 2007 - Spring 2008 )

• Check My Grill - The Hot as Shits

  Hilah’s band. Uhm. She’s a rockstar.
  

• I Just Wanna Love U - Jay-Z, Unplugged

  Have you asked me about my Jay-Z Unplugged obsession? This album is seriously killa. I don’t even use that word. It’s killa.

• She’s Like a Rainbow - Rolling Stone

  Blame the Rainbow Family of the Serendipitious Now. Lots of psychedelic rock in the playlist.

• You’re Gonna Miss Me - 13th Floor Elevators

  Again. Rainbow Family. Also I just love a good howl.

• Pollyshka - The ______’s

  I asked Mercedes to create a song for Like Meat Love Salt using my lyrics for the final “had a dream song.” She went to the laboratory and spliced together a jazzy banjo Russian folk song which was beautiful but too jazz-Ruse for my production. Still, I love this song.

• TV Eye - Iggy Pop

  Damn. I just love some Stooges. ROWR. I bet you didn’t know that about me.

• With a Girl Like You - The Troggs

  
  This was on a mix my friend had from a DJ who spins 60s garage, surf, pop music. I know. Swooooon. I also love love love: Whatcha Gonna Do - Small Faces (youtube here)
  

• Wilt - Starnes and Shah

  You would think . . . with all my friends’ music on here that I’m either a big fake or just a huge geek. Trust me. I’m a huge geek. I seriously love my friends’ music. Check their site here: www.starnesandshah.com And word on the streets is that an ANIMATED VIDEO for this song will be up on YouTube soon. Hello famous!
  

• Say it Right - Nelly Furtado
  

  Just when you thought I might have pretty good taste in music . . . Yeah you forget I also love really bad pop songs. The lyrics are out of this world:

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

I do a great emo version of this song on piano.

• Sensual Seduction - Snoop Dog

  I fell in love with the video first. What a world we live in. Remember when you fell in love with a song before the video? A book before the movie?
  
  Also you must have seen this by now, if not enjoy:
  

• Africa -Toto

  My pal Erik KILLZ on this song in karaoke.
  

• My Moon, My Man - Feist

  My friend circle is split on Feist lovers and haters. I’m not obsessed with her but I don’t hate her. I like this song. But I like this video better:
  
  I like that she doesn’t take herself too seriously. I can relate.

• Lights - Journey

  Did you know I can play this song on recorder, ukulele and piano? That wasn’t a mistake you know.

• Weak -SWV

  Erik gave me this as a “song challenge.” I can play it on uke but I really wanted to master a sort of doo-wop girl group version on piano. Sidebar: I gave Erik Kissed By A Rose by Seal. HE KILLZ IT. Look for the Sweded Songs, volume 1 coming atcha soon [ a new project where we swap mix CDs and have to create our own recreations of the songs in any fashion we choose].

JUNIOR YEAR IS VERY WEIRD II: Escape Route Remix (Summer 2006 - Spring 2007 )

• Smiley Faces- Gnarls Barkley

  I fucking love this song. I even loved it after sitting in 100 degree weather at ACL standing next to frat boys with rubber bracelets and cargo shorts howling the lyrics off-key.

• How Does It Feel - The Ronettes

  Aw yeah. This is the good shit.

• Wild Honey Pie - The Beatles

  I loooove youuu . . .

• Rehab - Amy Winehouse.

  This album was literally forced into my hands by a friend. “You don’t own it? Just take it home. No I don’t want to hear it. Take it home. Listen to it.” This was way way before the whole missing teeth Blake in jail media extravaganza. I knew from reading the British tabloids online that she was cracking crazy . . . but I decided I would like her album anyway.

• Ghost Rider - Suicide

  I first heard this song in a play (LMDA Collaboration Project 2005! Holla) and couldn’t get it out of my head. Suicide (the band) was a great find for 2006.

• Eternal Flame - The Bangles

  I learned this song for Spurt: A Coming of Age Valentine. I actually don’t think Fern has covered it yet on YouTube. Hmmm.

• Latin Fuzzy - The Heartbreaking Lyrics

  Yeah, I know. This is sort of conceited. I wrote this song as jam band tune. Mercedes was in town for the first time for SXSW and we rocked it bass-guitar-drumz. Check the Myspace for a listen.

• ???? - ???? (aka track 14 - Work Mix)
  

  Shit. I had this on a work mix (aka mellow safe for work tunes mix) and I can’t for the life of me find out who wrote this song or the title. I just know I like it.

I’M OK WITH ME, SOPHOMORE OF THE REAL WORLD MIX (Summer 2005 - Spring 2006)

• This Bear is for Siobhan - Devendra Banhart

  Uh. He’s dating Natalie Portman? That’ll last.

• In the Backseat - Arcade Fire

  Remember when they were so fucking cool? They all screamed onstage, banged their drums and then Bowie played with them for Fashion Rocks. I can’t remember if I found that lame or an official endorsement. Anywho. I like this song.

• Love Will Tear Us Apart - Nouvelle Vague

  Really their entire first album is amazing. Haven’t really gotten into the second so much but the first is just DIVINE.

• Fistful of Love - Antony and the Johnsons

  Where were you when you first found Antony?
  
  Also a favorite is Today I’m a Girl or what I call “The Miss Josie Song” (character from You Are Pretty). I realized later that his music is all over that British indie film Beautiful Thing (which I LOVE! Yes I am a gay teenage boy sometimes. Also how can you not love a film that features Mama Cass’ solo album in the soundtrack?!!) so I’d actually heard (and loved it) before.

• What are You - Bonnie Prince Billy

  Superwolf was the first Will Oldham (et al his various pseudonyms) I fell in love with. Hard.
  
  Beast for Thee is another favorite. Bed is for Sleeping is another. Ah. The whole album is a sweet treat, a night-time road trip, a book before bed.

• Nothing Compares 2 U - Jimmy Scott

  Very important: this is the JIMMY SCOTT cover of Prince’s song. Need a good cry? Investigate.
  
  Also file under obsession with men who sound like women when they sing and vice versa.
  

• Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones

  This song, for me, is all about Merry Clayton.
  

• DARE - Gorillaz

  Slumber party! Dance around! File under obsession with DJ Dangermouse aka DJ Dangerboyfriend.

• He Hit Me - The Crystals

  I couldn’t believe it when I first heard the lyrics to this song. Wow.

• Under Pressure - Queen

  Courtesy of Karaoke Revolution. I love that my little sister (a big Barney/Dora fan) LOVES this song. If you can ever catch her crooning along it will make you melt. In fact that might be the problem with the ice caps. They heard Robyn sing Under Pressure.

• Out of the Races & Onto the Tracks- Rapture

  This is probably the only song of theirs I like. I heard it first in Rules of Attraction starring James Van Der Beek’s chin and forehead. I couldn’t believe how much I liked that movie, I was seriously all set to hate it. Whenever I want to generate a black cloud of angst about romance and relationships I watch that film. “No one ever knows anyone. You’re not going to know me.” Yeah, I nod. You said it. Bonus points for the little dance Ian Somehalder does when this song plays in a party scene. You can actually see him play “gay man dancing.” It’s hilarious.

• Just One of Those Things - Verve Remixed 3

  I’m not a jazz-purist, save for Billie Holiday’s version of Strange Fruit. Okay and maybe Nina Simone’s Four Women. So aside from those two songs I am A-OKAY with the concept of a jazz remix. And this song so eloquently sums up my love life (tacky time!).
  

FRESHMAN YEAR OF THE REAL WORLD (Summer 2004 to Spring 2005)

• Lover You Should’ve Come Over - Jeff Buckley

  No other dead man can make me squeal outloud like a little girl. Hottttie hot hot. I think this was the first time I truly discovered “Grace.” Aw. That was poetic without intention. Like frisbee games in the snow.

• Dirt Off Ya Shoulder - The Grey Album

  For a while (tacky time!) this was my cell phone ringtone for whenever I boy I sort of kind of liked would call. It reminded me to act coooooooooool.
  

• Geography - Dania

  Before Starnes and Shah there was just Shah. Dania’s first full length album is a KILLA. I listened to this song on repeat through some of my hardest times. It made me nostalgic for all the people I left behind in NYC and sort of helped motivate me for the big changes ahead. Definitely going to make sure this one is saved to my computer and iShuffle for the journey ahead of me. You can purchase her first album as well as her current release on CDBABY.COM.

• Joy to the World - Three Dog Night

  Again, courtesy of Karaoke Revolution on PS2. Old school. I KILLZ IT.

• The Light - Common

  “I’ll tell you the rest when I see you . . .” Uhm. Where can I date? Please?!

• Video - The Saras

  Yet another friend’s band. I seriously love me some Saras (RIP). I listened to this album nonstop my first summer out of school. This is my FAVORITE song. Good luck finding a CD. They are hard to come by.

• Daytripper - The Beatles

  I actually managed to figure this song out on guitar - - with the help of some tab sites. I think this was my first “Aha. I can figure out this tab thing!” moment.

• Cold Blooded Old Times - Smog
  

  Yeah. Just . . . . yeah.

• Book of Love - Magnetic Fields

  This will play at my wedding if I ever have one. I’ll probably be playing it. On my uke. While my husband sings in falsetto. And my family do an interpretive dance. And my friends perform floor gymnastics. That’s how I see it. Also my wedding will feature the best fair-trade chocolate cake ever baked, ever.

• Black Trombone - Serge Gainsbourg

  Everyone goes through this phase. Right?

• Crack Crack - Babaloo

  Give me punk and give me mambo. I think I found this CD through my job working with the office of Student Activities in college, maybe they sent it out to book a gig or something? I rescued it from the trash and LOVE IT. They’re the best band you’ve never heard of.

• B.O.B. - Outkast

  I used to put this song on volume up and just DANCE LIKE A CRAZY PERSON until it was over. Then I made a mix tape for my car and whenever it would come on I would crank it up and DANCE LIKE A CRAZY PERSON IN MY SEAT.

• You Don’t Know My Name - Alicia Keys

  I dunno. I thought it was sweet. And then I saw Maria Bamford’s impression and thought, “Yeah. Wait. That talking part is weeeird.”

• Waltz 2 - Elliot Smith
  

  I got into Elliot Smith too late. Same with Kurt Cobain. Almost with Nina Simone (although my mother was always a big fan. She forbade me to play her Single Woman album because it “brought up too many memories”).
  

• Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys - Willie Nelson

  The assumption is if you’re from the South, especially if you grew up in Texas that you looooooove country music. And football. And avocados. I’m one of those exceptions. I just cannot stand country music save for a few select exceptions. This song is one, others include anything by Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, some Dixie Chicks (I’m fine until they get into YEE HAW CRAZY FIDDLE stuff) and Gene Autry’s Silver Haired Daddy of Mine (actually my favorite version is the one my dad sings because he used to sing this to me every night before bed when I was a little girl). Let me just warn you. That other thing Willie is known for in Texas . . . will set you back a few days. I’ve tried it before, just a teensy tinsy bit . . . and it was IN-TENSE.

Alright kids. There you have em. In the course of writing this blog I found this other random items to share with you:

JIM’S GOING TO PROPOSE TO PAM?! I seriously squealed OUTLOUD and starting crying. And then he did the fake kneel thing I SQUEALED AGAIN AND CRIED AGAIN. I feel like my two best friends are getting married.

I’ve thought about this a lot . . . so . . . please know that this next statement isn’t just a fly by night snap judgment. I’ve given it time. I’ve watched episodes. I really wanted to like it . . . but . . . uhm . . . aside from Tracy Morgan (HI-LAR-I-OUS) and Jack McBrayer (dollface) . . . I do not like 30 Rock. Sorry.

Scrubs. I don’t get it. Sometimes I laugh. Most times I don’t. Maybe they need a laugh track. Oh wait except they try to cram jokes down your throat every other second so laugh track would just sound like when my sister gets a new music toy and repeatedly pushes the button so sounds interrupt themselves. “Ha-ha-h-ho-hee-haa-haa-ah-ha-a-h-haaaa-ha.” There you have it. The imagined Scrubs laugh track transcribed.

My cough is giving me the most amazing voice ever. I squeal and squeak a lot. I should record an album RIGHT NOW. My lower register is amazing.

I really really want to watch Jurassic Park 2 and Lost World. Since I don’t have Netflix anymore I will seriously watch ANY DVD or VHS I can find. My roommate had this and I’ll tell you: I got so fucking into it. AMPED as they say. Velociraptors in the breaker room?! IN-TENSE.

In another weird note . . . I hate being angry. You probably don’t know this but right now I’m sifting through some rather strong feelings of anger. And I don’t like it because seriously, last thing I need to be feeling on top of SAD-ANXIOUS-EXCITED . . . is MAD. But I’m going to work through it. Just like everything else. My Yogi tea today say “You are unlimited.” And goddammit. I am.

ANTM: Anyone surprised Stacey Ann went home? Anyone . . . care??! I found that I still had Claire on my team from last week. I am really stinking up the reality TV fantasy leagues this time around. Fuuuhck.

You know those moments when you are really thankful for the way you were raised? I had one of those the other day on the bus. There was a woman in a wheelchair who needed to get off at the current stop and she kept trying to get the driver’s attention and no one helped. Maybe they didn’t understand what she was saying, maybe they were just being fucking assholes, whatever. I was the one to say something. I don’t understand what the hang up is on treating everyone as equal. I don’t understand what is so scary or weird that people feel the need to walk an extra step out of their way to avoid someone with special needs out in public or be patronizing or rude. Very few people in my life have met my family or even know where I come from in terms of my upbringing, primarily because we’re not a very mobile/social crew . . . but I’m extremely proud of my family. And thankful for avoiding the whole “asshole towards people with special needs” thing.

You know those moments where you surprise yourself? I’m biking/busing to work everyday, I drink green tea instead of coffee (no caffeine for two weeks now), I’m going country-western dancing (despite the whole not liking country music thing), I’m actively pursuing the whole 7-8 hours of sleep and trying to take good care of myself. It’s great. It’s crazy. I feel like I’m in a movie about my life but twenty minutes into the thing they flipped to a different actress portraying the role of Adrienne. Like in Palindromes. And you’re like, “Wait. New story? Or same? Are these all vignettes or is there a bigger picture here?!” It’s good. It’s all good. No complaints yet.

Last thing: did you know you have to now buy Sudafed at the Pharmacy counter? Because you can make meth from it?! What?! I felt like a drug addict today holding up the line at CVS all for some measly generic CVS brand Sudafed. What ruined it was my attempt to make a joke to the lady behind me, “Damn those meth heads! Now I have to sign a release to get Sudafed?” Because I’m sure I sounded like a drug addict. I also had my pants in “bike mode” which means one leg pinned up above my knee. And I was sweaty. Yeah. I definitely walked out of that one looking like a drug addict. Great.

PHEW. OKAY. Now I will never blog again for the rest of my life*.

*Kidding. Big Life Transition. BRB.

Sweeeeeeet. Nothing like a royalty check to sweeten my day! Oh the joys of the Heritage bus. Thanks for buying me groceries once a year!

In other news, I’ve realized that I am eligible to apply for a Jerome Fellowship . . . which is something new . . . because until about two years ago, I didn’t have a single production that I was paid for.

Hello 2009.

I’m home sick today quite unfortunately . . . the most I’ve been able to do is move from my bed to the couch. I did whoop some ass today at Bejeweled. I also paid my bills and balanced my budget for the summer. It’s looking like I need to either find a free place to stay from June to July or I need to move out to Chicago, sublet for the summer and temp until fall to keep from going into the red. I would really, really love a full summer in NYC but since my part-time job just barely covers things (and I am committed to it until the 23rd) then I will need to couch crash or pray to the temping agency Gods that they can find me something fulltime and with the most amazing entry-level wage around. Which is dicey.

In other news, my state of mind is . . . I can’t even describe it. I train my replacement tomorrow. My last day of work is next week. NEXT WEEK. I’m leaving in fifteen days. It’s crazy. Sometimes it really hits home and other times it just feels like a big vacation . . . I’m sure saying goodbye will leave me leaky but I don’t think the whole “I don’t have a home” thing will really set in until I am living out of suitcases and hoping for the most comfortable couch sleep ever.

Then I’m also so incredibly excited you have no idea. My first weekend in NYC is already booked with a music show, a play at BAM, a birthday party. A warm, warm welcome. I’m going to play ukulele on Dania’s new album. I mean . . . shit. My new play opens the 15th . . . this is all cause for big celebration and excitement . . .

But it’s wobbly place to be emotionally. Excited! And sad. And ANXIOUS.

Again, this is what I’ve asked for. As I’ve had a lot more time to just sit and think (aka waiting for the bus) I had the epiphany the other day relating to my identity as a writer: part of the reason this adventure is so perfect and will be so good for me is . . . I am embarking on a new story. A new chapter of my life. And just like in any writing process . . . all I have to start out with is a rudimentary outline . . . the rest will come to me, the rest is basically out of my hands anyway so why worry about it. In college my playwriting professor used to always say, “GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Which to me meant - get that Editor Bitch out of the office and downtown to the spa so you can actually get some writing accomplished.

I GOTTA GET OUT OF THE WAY. OF MYSELF. Then I get some living life to the fullest accomplished.

So . . . yeah. This is probably the hundredth time I’ve picked this issue to death, how sad I am, how anxious I am for the future and yet how perfect this transition comes in the grand scheme of things . . . but y’know. Working through it.

Now to get over this cold so I can enjoy my last two weeks!

It’s happening. I can smell it. Ch-ch-change.

Today I sold my car. I am Blazer-less. A part of me is excited about the idea of getting super tan, bug-bitten and racing down hills on my bad-ass bike. Ripped, I think. My calves will be riiiiipped.

Oh but this is really starting to hit me. This week is my last sock hop. Next week my replacement at work starts training . . . And the next week? My last day of work. A fun visit to the doctor’s office (gals you know what fun I speak of. THAT kind of fun. And then ride your bike home?! Ughs.) and then one more dentist trip for a pseudo-filling. As in “you don’t have a cavity but one day you will so might as well endure another 30 minutes of my terror for thirty bucks.” Sigh.

My little pity party begins tonight around 9-10pm at my neighborhood “saloon.” Will you smile wistfully and crack bitter jokes with me? I’m having one of those days . . . overwhelmed completely. But I have a nice check in the bank so . . . this time we’ll avoid the Lonestar for a hearty Anchor Steam.

Not helping matters: listening to Nina Simone alone in my empty house.

I don’t feel regret. I don’t feel like I’m making a mistake . . .  all it is . . . an invitation to try something new and different and try to reclaim a part of myself I feel like I’ve let go . . . as someone so very used to my little patterns and habits, what I’m trying to do here - - really I want to be uncomfortable for a little while. Because I’ve been here before and there are some wonderfully admirable bits of my personality that emerge that otherwise get buried or hidden away when I get too comfortable. I want to give myself a good surprise, a good shock to the system. It’s not that I feel I’m dead or asleep . . . it’s just once I get into a pattern it’s hard for me to break out of it. I wanna pry the narrow scope of my perspective wiiiide open. Maybe I want to play bongos in the forest. KIDDING. I definitely DO NOT WANT TO PLAY BONGOS OUTDOORS OR OTHERWISE.

Do you understand even a little bit of this rambling?! Me either. But I have the feeling - - same feeling I had before leaving for college . . . this feeling like “When I come back I’m going to be an awesome person.”

I think when I return from my little adventure, I will be an awesome person. Or I will feeeel awesome. Or I will be awesomely in debt. Either way, you won’t be able to say that I don’t have super human strength, courage and a good sense of humor about it. Bongos in the forest. Golden.

Side bar: I had a co-worker the other day say, “You don’t strike me as a funny person,” when I told him I wanted to train at Second City. I smiled meekly and said, “HR isn’t really a funny place . . . unless COBRAs make you giggle.” No I don’t remember what my comeback was. But for the rest of his new hire appointment I had him laughing. That was a great feeling. Secret powers. I have them. Just wait.

A double dose of my rock star friends:

• The It’s Me decade - - article by my BFF Nora Fussner ( All you Sadie Lou readers remember him? Also the roommate she references is ME. Check their amazing rendition of what I looked like in college:

This weekend I dropped off a load o’ crap at my Dad’s house aka Adrienne’s Storage Unit and found a box of my old cassettes. Seriously there is no greater joy . . . than finding an old mix tape you made from when you were fifteen, sixteen years old.

It’s like a love letter from the subconscious mind, which at fifteen/sixteen is truly heartbreakingly vulnerable and sweet. I have this one mix that is exclusively love songs of every shape and form. And I can hear my own adolescent voice worrying outloud “Hey, will anyone ever like me?”

I have this one gem in particular that jumps from Lena Horne to Portishead to Connie Francis to Lauryn Hill to Jefferson Airplane to Sonic Youth to Louis Armstrong and it is seriously the most adorable thing in the world. On the ride home today I couldn’t help smiling . . . I actually listened to some seriously bitchin’ music as a kid . . . and at the time, I know I felt like the biggest dork in the world, no one would ever understand me, etc, etc. You wouldn’t believe how much anxiety I generated over the worry that I wouldn’t turn out “alright.” Not cool. I never ever thought I would ever be cool (nor do I think it’s possible - - I always blow any image of coolness by doing or saying something incredibly geeky or awkward) - - I just wanted to be “alright.” I didn’t want to turn out to be an asshole, basically. I didn’t want to be a big fake phony.

As my life right now also has that sort anxiety about my future and what shape my life will take it is so reassuring to connect back to that former self and think “Hey kid, I turned out alright. And you had great taste in music what were you so worried about!?” I guess I still worry sometimes that I will turn out to be a big fake phony asshole . . . but with the right mix tape . . . I think I can survive.

Man oh man. My love song mix tape? Thank GOD for its rediscovery or else I would’ve completely forgotten the song “Azalea” by Louis Armstrong. If you have never heard this song - - please do me a favor and download it. Sit outside this summer in the heat, drink a glass of whiskey with ice and fan yourself, slowly. I found this song whilst babysitting one night after the kiddos had been put to bed, as the parents had an amazing CD collection filled with all these jazz boxed sets. First listen was on low volume at the dining room table drinking a can of ginger ale and imagining myself with big gardenia in my hair slow dancing (even though I imagined it would be the most disgustingly humid summer night ever, the kind where even touching your own skin is unbearable) because with the perfect boy, this was the most perfectly romantic song, ever.

Yeah that one made me cry a little bit today. Also some old school Nirvana Unplugged. Seriously an incredible album, I don’t care what you say. It is just perfect. Pennyroyal Tea . . . okay you are totally entitled to laugh your ass off about this but Pennyroyal Tea? I just remember that undeniable weight of teenage angst and just curling up on my bed listening to this song . . . it is such a sad association to have to a song but hey. You get through it.

My last little mix tape memory for you has a specific geographic location. It’s too far out of town for me to provide you a little Google Map street view (holla ATX) but there’s this curve on 2222 just after the cliffs that always reminds me of Pavement’s Cut Your Hair (I think that’s the title). I know I had it on various mix tapes throughout my teenage years but somehow it was always on whenever my dad’s truck would wind around that specific curve.

I joke that my memory is starting to fade . . . but . . . that was pretty good, non?

In other news, part of my four year tradition I will be completing my post-collegiate mixes which each correspond with a specific year:

FRESHMAN YEAR OF THE REAL WORLD

I’M OKAY WITH ME - SOPHOMORE OF THE REAL WORLD

JUNIOR YEAR IS VERY WEIRD II

. . . and now, finally GRADUATION OF THE REAL WORLD, AUSTIN.

Still completing the final touches  . . . will post a tracking list one of these daze.